Wine descriptors that probably mean you’re lazy and lack creativity
Before you bark up my tree about policing wine language (though I think a lot of people get off on doing that), I’m an advocate of free speech and implore individuals to describe wine in any which way they so choose. Take it from my Mom, bless her heart, who still calls rosé “blush”, little sweetie she is.
I will also die on the hill of describing very specific styles of wine as “slutty”. It just works, and it’s never going to be removed from my vernacular. (please taste Ramey Chardonnay)
It’s not that common wine descriptors are wrong, it’s that you’re beating a dead horse when you use them. The repetition renders them meaningless, akin to every human’s aversion to the word “pivot”. How many wineries have you visited where they told you their rosé is a great “patio sipper”?
By all means, keep using the verbiage you like - let’s be real, the people who don’t care will never read this - fill your boots, live your best life, self care Sundays!
Ultimately, there’s a whole world out there full of descriptors and terms just waiting to be plucked from the dictionary (aka thesaurus), why keep employing the same old garbage everybody else is regurgitating? The more flowery, the better!
Summer in a glass
We’ve all been guilty of using this term a little too liberally - sunshine in a glass is just within reach especially when there’s orange wine in the goblet - it’s just dated and needs to go away.
Glou Glou
French for “glug glug”, this was a formerly super cute way to describe wines with a certain smashability factor - effortlessly juicy bottles that went down the hatch all too easily. Much like any trend, it quickly lost its novelty.
Feminine/Masculine
Such a limited, boring and generic way to describe wine. There are myriad approaches when romancing a bottle, that fall far outside the binary of feminine vs masculine - a particular favourite of mine recently, was the comparison of pinot noir to ballet.
Elegant
The wine industry equivalent of having a “Live, Laugh, Love” sign hanging in your living room.
Comparing wines to celebrities and/or songs
The wine isn’t Beyoncé and it never will be.
Using varietal incorrectly
Varietal = adjective. “This Merlot shows varietal character.”
Variety = noun. “This grape variety is Merlot.”
Nervous acidity
Sommeliers everywhere heard this uttered somewhere a million years ago, had no idea what it meant, then made sure it appeared on every wine list, review and write up thereafter, forever confusing consumers.
Fruit Forward
It’s made from grapes. It should taste like fruit. Similar to describing food tasting like food.
Terroir Driven
Every tasting room employee June through September: “We haven’t even identified the characteristics of our site in any way, nor do we have any clue what this wine tastes like year over year, never mind it being identifiable blind for its localized character.”
Hedonistic
Ah yes, the enjoyment of the finer things in life. Do you also enjoy eating? Let me guess, are you a .... foodie?
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